


The Gang Comes Out

by transdennisreynolds



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Coming Out, Everyone Is Gay, F/M, M/M, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-15
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-05-06 20:03:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5428940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transdennisreynolds/pseuds/transdennisreynolds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>lets be honest with ourselves , the entire gang is gay (includes grey-ace trans boy charlie)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Gang Comes Out

**Author's Note:**

> idk this is gay and its super poorly written but i dont even give a shit  
> (warnings for canon-typical transphobia, mentions of underage sex + a terminated pregnancy)

CHARLIE:  This is such bullshit, man! Frank's refusing to pay for my testosterone cause he thinks I've been on it "long enough."

MAC:  What the hell? Did you explain to him how HRT works?

CHARLIE:  He wasn't listening! He refuses to hear me explain my "pussy problems!" Asshole!

MAC:  Wait, did he actually say "pussy problems?" Cause that’s actually kinda funny.

CHARLIE:  No. But it is kinda funny.

DENNIS:  I’m just gonna interrupt for a second; what the shit are you talking about?

CHARLIE:  Didn't I ever tell you that I'm trans, bro?

DENNIS:  What?

MAC:  Oh dude, you changed your name and sex legally before freshman year, remember?

CHARLIE:  Oh shit! Yeah!

DENNIS:  I'm still waiting for an answer. Is anything this anything like Carmen?

CHARLIE:  Well kinda, yeah. I mean it's the opposite; she's a chick and I'm a dude.

DENNIS:  So you're telling me you don't have a dick?

MAC:  He's still a guy.

DENNIS:  If he's dickless that's a hard argument to make.

MAC:  Dude, seriously? Shut up. This is why he never told you, because we knew you wouldn't be cool about it.

DENNIS:  I just don't understand how you knew before I did.

CHARLIE:  Are you shitting me, dude? Mac and I grew up together. I met you in high school. It didn't really affect our friendship so I kept it a secret.

DENNIS:  How'd you have a beard in sophomore year, then?

CHARLIE:  Cause my mom helped me get hormone blockers and I'm just naturally hairy.

DENNIS:  Isn't you mom a die-hard Catholic?

CHARLIE:  Yeah, but she realized how important it was to me. It was probably the only good thing she's ever done for me.

DENNIS:  Huh. So she and Mac are the only ones who know?

CHARLIE:  Pretty much, yeah. Everyone just assumes I'm a guy now. It's pretty sweet. [high-fives MAC]

DENNIS:  So like, you haven't had the surgery yet?

CHARLIE:  Nah, costs too much.

DENNIS:  Didn't you bang that desperate chick in senior year, though? What’d she say when she found out?

CHARLIE:  Oh, you mean Nicki? She’s a lesbian and I wanted to get some practice for the Waitress. I mean I'd had sex before, but I wanted to learn how to do it with a girl.

DENNIS:  Wait, she wasn't your first? Who was? [CHARLIE and MAC blush] No, no way. No.

MAC:  It was high school and we both were confused, okay?

DENNIS:  Holy shit. You two were fuckbuddies back in high school?

CHARLIE:  Well, yeah. I mean at first it was just goodnatured wrestling, but things kinda escalated.

DENNIS:  What kind of stuff was it? Oral?

CHARLIE:  Mostly, yeah. It was just stress relief. Two guys helping each other out, you know?

DENNIS:  Did you guys ever plow?

MAC:  [chokes on his beer]

CHARLIE:  Course.

DENNIS:  Huh. But aren't you guys against contraceptives?

CHARLIE:  Yeah.

DENNIS:  How’d you avoid getting knocked up? Timing?

CHARLIE:  Well, actually . . .

MAC:  Wait, what?!

CHARLIE:  Don't worry, I flushed it out before it grew a heart or whatever.

MAC:  You had an abortion without telling me?! Didn't you think I would've liked to be consulted on the matter?

DEE:  [enters suddenly and slams the door behind her] Charlie made some chick get an abortion?

DENNIS:  Even better. Charlie’s got a vagina and Mac got him pregnant back in high school when they were fuckbuddies.

DEE:  You're shitting me, right?

CHARLIE:  Goddammit, all I wanted to do was vent! Everyone shut up! I'm still just as much of a dude as either of you!

DEE:  Oh, I’m not disputing that. I'm just wondering how you and Mac had gay sex in high school since Mac’s got his head too far up his ass to admit he’s a massive queer.

MAC:  It wasn't gay! A male and a female! Like God intended!

DEE:  So you're saying Charlie’s a chick just because of what's in his pants?

MAC:  No, that's not— don’t twist my words around!

CHARLIE:  She does have a point, Mac. I mean I had a beard and a pretty flat chest and you always said how ‘handsome and manly’ I looked when we fu—

MAC:  Oh my God! Fine, it was gay! Charlie’s a guy and we banged! I fucked a guy! And I liked it, okay? I liked the way our beards rubbed together and how his arms felt when—

DEE:  Whoa! Too much info.

MAC:  You wanted to know!

DEE:  Whatever. If you and Charlie had a good thing going, why’d you stop?

DENNIS:  I believe that was because of me. See, having no knowledge beyond suspicion of Mac and Charlie's exploits, I slipped my way into their group and took over Charlie's roll.

MAC:  Dude, don't. I’m begging you.

DENNIS:  You kept a secret from me, so it's only fair I enlighten Charlie about ours, Ronnie.

CHARLIE:  You two fucked?

DENNIS:  I wouldn't use that term; it's too raw a word. I'd say I guided him into purging his—

CHARLIE:  [to MAC] What the hell, dude?! I thought we were— Why’d you sleep around?!

MAC:  I didn't want to make you feel like you owed me sex, man! I noticed you were getting less and less into it so I just sorta figured you wanted to stop!

CHARLIE:  Why didn't you tell me?!

MAC:  You know how hard it is for me to talk about this shit!

CHARLIE:  Were you two blowing each other while we were still doing our thing?

MAC:  No, dude! No way! I'd never do that to you!

CHARLIE:  [to DENNIS] When did you first fuck?

DENNIS:  Not fuck, guide—

CHARLIE: When?

DENNIS:  I gave him a handy at Tim Murphy's St. Patrick's Day party during junior year. That was the first time.

CHARLIE:  [satisfied with the response] Okay. [to MAC] Look, I'm sorry I never told you about the abortion. I just had a lot to deal with, you know? We both did. And if I'm being honest, I'm glad we stopped banging. It was kinda gross.

MAC:  [disappointed] Gross . . ?

CHARLIE:  Not you, dude, the sex! It was just too . . . weird. I didn't like feeling all sticky and sweaty afterwards. Sex is weird, man. I just did it cause I liked that you held me with that dumb smile after.

MAC:  Oh. You never . . ?

CHARLIE:  What?

MAC:  Like, came? That's the whole reason we banged, right? To get some relief. Were you faking?

CHARLIE:  Uh, usually yeah. But it's cool. You thinking I did just made you seem happy, you know? I didn't really care about the sex itself, just the cuddling after.

DEE:  Well this is a lot more info than I ever needed to know.

CHARLIE:  [sudden realization] Oh shit, right! I forgot about our situation, Dee! You still wanna bang? Sex with chicks is a lot less messy, so I don't mind.

DENNIS:  Whoa, what?

CHARLIE:  Dee and I humped a while back and never really talked about it. [to DEE; eyebrows raised and toothy grin] I could eat you out, if you want.

DEE:  Ew, gross! Shut up. [whispering] We’ll talk about it later.

DENNIS:  Holy shit. You two are gonna bang? Are you bi, Dee?

DEE:  No! Charlie's a guy so it's not gay.

DENNIS:  That's not what I asked. Do you like chicks?

DEE:  What?

DENNIS:  Do you, Deandra Reynolds, enjoy the occasional lesbian encounter—

DEE:  Fine, God! Yes, okay? Why is it important?

DENNIS:  [smirking] Because I remember reading an article on the percentage of twins with the same sexuality and wanted to know if the data is inferential.

MAC:  What the shit does that mean?

DENNIS:  Dee and I are both bi.

CHARLIE:  Hey-o! We're the Gay Crew now!

MAC:  Oh my God, no. No, no! We _are not_ the “Gay Crew!”

DENNIS:  Uh, well since all of us are gay in one way or another, I don’t really see why not.

MAC:  I will not be apart of some gay cult!

DENNIS:  What about Ass-Kickers United?

DEE:  [snorts loudly]

MAC:  That was not— Everyone there was straight!

DENNIS:  Uh, no. You and Charlie and pretty much everyone else who was in—

MAC: Shut up! This is not— I’m not— Fuck you!

DENNIS:  You admitted to liking having had sex with a guy two minutes ago. Plus whenever we bang, you always act super gay and cuddly.

CHARLIE:  He gets all clingy after he blows his load with you too? Isn't it cute? He's so cute.

MAC:  Stop this! Stop! I’m not— I’m not cute! I’m manly!

DENNIS:  Yeah, and I’m FDR. You’re a big, needy gay baby. Admit it, Mac.

DEE:  This is a conversation I never thought I’d hear. So you two are banging?

DENNIS:  [cocky grin] Yeah.

DEE:  Well, congrats. I didn’t think you two would ever realize how gay for each other you both are.

MAC:  I’ve gotta be dreaming . . . Charlie, pinch me. [CHARLIE does] Ow, dude! Not that hard!

CHARLIE:  Wimp. So anyway, back to me. How am I gonna get my hormones?

MAC:  Don’t they have those kept in hospitals and shit?

DENNIS:  You saying you wanna raid a hospital?

MAC:  I don’t see why we couldn’t.

DEE:  Couldn’t we just give Frank another intervention and tell him how big of a dick he’s being? I mean he cares a lot about you, Charlie. I don’t see why he’d deny you something you need.

CHARLIE:  Yeah, sure, okay. But we’ve gotta get some duct tape and hide his gun.


End file.
